Every day is a chance for a fresh start.
This week was the first week of classes and my first week in my new program! I technically had my first year of grad school last year as I began a PhD program and that entire year ended up being a pretty tumultuous time (in my personal and professional life)...but it ultimately led me to do some deep self-reflection and take a step back to re-evaluate my priorities in life. As I came to prioritize what I truly wanted from my life (career, family, fulfillment, etc.) I realized that I didn't need a Ph.D. to do what I wanted to do. I made the decision to transition into a master's program and I haven't looked back! There are times when you need to trust your gut, and I remember last year feeling a huge pit in my stomach as the semester started...I had just left my childhood dream job, I still didn't know exactly how I wanted to help people after I graduated, and I was dealing with some chronic health issues.
But this year, things have felt completely different. I feel a sense of excitement, purpose, motivation, and so much more now that I have that concrete goal of incorporating my background in psychology with my passion for health and fitness and becoming a life/health/wellness coach! As I'm developing the launch of my first test group, I am getting more and more excited every day.
And being excited about school again makes me feel like myself again...because I had been so stressed out and didn't have the motivation to dedicate myself to my studies last year, the academic in me died a little bit...and that has always been a HUGE part of who I am. So to see that disappear last year, was extremely scary for me. I got to a point where I FAILED a class...and I didn't feel anything. I wasn't scared, angry, upset, worried. I felt completely numb. The fact that I didn't care about a bad grade scared the shit out of me, because that is NOT who I am. I was worried about who I had become over that first year of grad school, and that's when I knew that something needed to change. Mind you, the failing grade was due to me accidentally submitting an incomplete draft of an assignment...but had that instance of numbness not occurred, I might not have realized exactly how bad things had become.
So as I write this post from my "new" campus in my new program, excitedly anticipating the start of my next class, I feel at peace. I also feel more ready than ever to chase this new dream. Instead of feeling like I'm about to have an anxiety attack thinking about 5 years from now worrying about internship and post-doc experiences...I feel an overwhelming sense of excitement thinking about all of the different places I can see myself: and I can't wait to see where that ends up being and who I end up becoming 5 years from now.